The Invoice Date I’ll Never Forget
I always thought first dates were simple: a nice dinner, some light flirting, and maybe a second date if things went well. But when he insisted—almost demanded—to pay for everything, I should’ve noticed something strange in his eyes. A glint I didn’t understand then. What looked like generosity was the first warning sign of something far more unsettling.
The Perfect First Impression
Mia, my best friend, had set me up with Eric.
“You’re going to LOVE him, Kelly,” she said like it was a guaranteed fact.
“You’ve never set me up before,” I teased. “How do you know what I like?”
“Because I know you,” she insisted. Plus, her boyfriend Chris backed Eric up. That gave me enough confidence to say yes.
The date was at a cozy Italian restaurant, the kind with dim lighting and soft jazz humming in the background. Eric arrived holding a bouquet of roses—real roses—and a tiny gift box tied with a silver ribbon. Inside was a keychain with my initial engraved.
A bit much for a first date, maybe. But sweet. Thoughtful. Charming.
He opened doors, pulled out my chair, asked good questions, listened closely. We bonded instantly—true crime obsessions, weird documentaries, our mutual hatred for slow walkers.
When the bill came, I reached for my purse.
He stopped me mid-gesture.
“The man always pays on the first date,” he said, with a firmness that was… polite. But also slightly forceful.
I shrugged it off. Lots of guys insist on paying.
The Invoice from Hell
The next morning, instead of a flirty “good morning” or a “had a great time last night,” Eric sent me something that made my stomach twist.
An invoice.
A literal, itemized invoice.
It listed the roses.
The keychain.
The dinner.
The “pleasant conversation.”
And at the bottom, a section labeled “Payment Due”:
One hug
One compliment
Three dates
Continued communication
And then the last line, bolded and underlined:
“Payment expected in full. No refunds. Chris will hear about it if not paid.”
My hands actually trembled. Not in fear—just… confusion. Shock. Maybe a little disgust. Who turns a first date into a transaction?
I sent it to Mia immediately.
Within minutes, she and Chris were at my place, howling with laughter.
“He’s serious,” Chris wheezed. “He actually expects you to pay him in compliments!”
Then Chris did something brilliant—he drafted a revenge invoice. A masterpiece.
Charges included:
Emotional disturbance from unsolicited intensity
Overuse of cologne
Possession of an unnecessary number of roses
$150 fee for “making Kelly uncomfortable”
And a final penalty for “acting like a walking red flag”
We sent it. Eric did not laugh.
Instead, he sent furious paragraphs demanding respect, payment, and “proper dating behavior.”
I blocked him mid-rant.
The Only Thing I Kept
The keychain stayed with me—not because of him, but because it reminded me of one of the strangest, funniest dating disasters of my life.
A story I tell now with a smile.
A story that reminds me:
If someone insists on paying, make sure they aren’t planning to bill you later.
Conclusion
That bizarre date taught me something priceless: charm doesn’t equal character. Kind gestures don’t always come with kind intentions. And sometimes, the red flags aren’t waving—they’re neatly wrapped in ribbon and handed to you with roses.
Better to laugh, move on, and keep the stories that make you wiser.